What Are the Most Common Couples Therapy Questions? Here’s a Peek Inside
Thinking about couples therapy but feeling unsure about what kinds of questions might come up? That’s totally normal. A lot of couples wonder what a counselor might ask, how deep things will get, or whether it’ll feel awkward. The truth? Most couples therapy questions are designed to help you and your partner slow down, tune in, and start understanding each other in a new way.
In this article, we’re pulling back the curtain on the kinds of questions for couples that often come up in a counseling session. Whether you're in your first session or you’ve been doing the work for a while, the right questions can help couples improve communication, uncover underlying issues, and reconnect.
Here’s what we’ll cover:
What to expect in your first couples therapy session
The most common couples therapy questions
Big relationship topics like conflict, sex life, and intimacy
Great questions to ask your partner
How the right kinds of questions help create real connection
Let’s get into it.
What to Expect in Your First Couples Counseling Session
Your first counseling session is all about getting to know you both, not just as individuals, but as a couple. Your couples therapist will probably ask a few open-ended questions to help set the tone. It’s not about grilling you or picking sides. It’s about creating a safe space where we can start understanding what feels hard and what you both want to work toward.
Some of the questions for the first session might sound like:
“What brought you to couples counseling?”
“What’s been feeling off in your relationship lately?”
“What do you hope to get out of this process?”
“When do things feel really good between you?”
There’s no pressure to have the perfect answer. What matters is honesty. This session is the beginning of learning how to ask the right questions, both in therapy and with each other at home.
What questions do they ask at couples therapy?
In couples therapy, your therapist might ask things like “What brought you here?” or “What’s been feeling hard lately?” These couples counseling questions are designed to help each partner feel heard and to uncover patterns in how you relate.
Helping Your Counselor Understand the Relationship Dynamic
Once we’ve got the basics, we’ll gently explore your relationship dynamics. Every couple is unique, and our goal is to get a feel for how you work as a team, and where things might be getting stuck.
We might ask:
“How do the two of you usually handle conflict?”
“What’s your communication style when things get tense?”
“What do you love about your partner? What feels challenging?”
“What does support look like in your day-to-day life?”
We’ll also look at:
Your shared goals and values
Past experiences (like family background or past relationships) that may influence your dynamic
Emotional patterns and how they show up in your marriage or relationship
Sometimes we’ll introduce couples therapy exercises or offer a simple worksheet to help you reflect. By the end of your first couples or marriage counseling session, you’ll already be building trust, gaining insights into your relationship, and starting to strengthen the connection you came here to heal.
Common Couples Therapy Questions That Help Us Understand You Better
Every couple walks through our door with their own story, their own rhythm, and their own way of doing love. Our job as relationship counselors is to understand the full picture, not just what’s been hard lately, but also where the love still lives and how we can help bring it forward. That’s where therapy questions to ask come in. The right ones don’t just uncover problems; they invite insight, tenderness, and that feeling of being truly seen.
The Therapy Questions to Ask That Help Couples Feel Seen
Some questions seem simple on the surface, but they tell us so much about your connection. These kinds of relationship questions help us explore what’s working and where things might be fraying. They create space for both partners to speak honestly, without interruption or judgment.
We might ask:
“When do you feel most connected to your partner?”
“What does conflict usually look like between you two?”
“What do you wish your partner understood about your experience?”
“What makes you feel supported, especially during stressful times?”
“What’s one thing you miss about how things used to be?”
These counseling questions are more than just conversation starters. They’re an invitation to slow down, reflect, and really listen. Often, married couples haven’t asked each other questions like these in years. But asking the right questions? That’s where deeper connection starts.
Exploring Your Story Through the Right Questions
We don’t just talk about the present. To truly understand a couple, we gently explore where each partner is coming from. Mental health professionals like us are trained to spot patterns, especially when it comes to attachment, emotional expression, and past relationship experiences.
So you might hear questions like:
“What did love look like in your family growing up?”
“How did your parents handle conflict?”
“What kind of emotional support did you receive as a kid?”
“Have you noticed any familiar patterns showing up in your current relationship?”
These relationship counseling questions help couples see how past experiences shape current dynamics. When we connect the dots, we can start shifting patterns that don’t serve your healthy relationship goals. Whether you're here to improve your relationship, work on conflict resolution, or just feel more like a team again, asking these key questions is how we get there together.
What to discuss in couples therapy?
You can talk about anything that affects your connection, such as communication, conflict, intimacy, or even everyday stress. Some couples also bring up issues they’ve never felt safe enough to say out loud.
Questions to Ask in Couples Counseling: How to Show Up With Curiosity
One of the most powerful things we see in the therapy room? When partners start getting curious about each other again. Not critical. Not defensive. Just curious. When you approach your relationship with a spirit of “I want to understand you better,” it opens the door to connection, healing, and even some unexpected laughs.
Asking the Right Questions to Grow Together
The work doesn’t stop when the session questions end. Some of the best growth happens between sessions, when you ask your partner thoughtful, loving questions in your everyday life.
Try asking:
“What’s something I do that makes you feel really loved?”
“Is there something you’ve been wanting to talk about but didn’t know how?”
“What does a great date night look like for you?”
“When do you feel most supported in our relationship?”
“What’s one thing we could work on together this week?”
Encourage partners to ask questions that build understanding, not fix. It’s not about solving every relationship problem in one night. It’s about staying connected as you grow.
How Questions Can Help Couples Build a Stronger Bond
In therapy, we’ll model how to ask questions that invite openness and soften defenses. Over time, this builds trust and gives both partners space to show up honestly.
Here are a few favorites we keep coming back to:
“What’s something you wish I knew about your experience lately?”
“What feels different in our relationship now compared to when we started?”
“What would a healthier relationship look like for both of us?”
“What do you need from me when you're stressed or overwhelmed?”
“What’s one small change that would help the relationship feel stronger this week?”
These relationship questions to ask aren’t magic, but they do help couples explore each other in ways that bring clarity, empathy, and closeness. And that’s where real change begins.
How Couples Therapy Questions Help Improve Communication and Connection
Good conversation is an art, and sometimes we all need a little guidance. In couples counseling, the right questions create space for new stories, fresh perspectives, and honest “aha” moments. Instead of guessing what your partner needs, you get clear, compassionate answers, turning awkward silences into real connection.
Curiosity, emotional honesty, and mutual respect are the secret sauce. When both partners stay open and kind, every answer becomes a chance to learn, heal, and grow. A skilled therapist can help you practice that openness until it starts to feel natural at home.
What does that look like in real time?
We offer targeted counseling questions to ask so you can discover worries, hopes, and dreams you may have never shared.
You practice questions to improve communication, such as “What helps you feel truly heard?” or “What could I do to show more appreciation?”
You receive tailored feedback, and, if helpful, short individual therapy check-ins to support personal growth alongside the couple work.
You gain concrete listening skills that turn everyday disagreements into problem-solving conversations.
Couples can gain fresh insights into their relationship, realizing the small habits that keep them close or push them apart.
Over time, your toolkit expands, and you see your relationship better equipped for life’s curveballs.
Counseling isn’t just about solving today’s problem. It’s about building lasting skills so tomorrow feels easier, safer, and more connected.
Why Common Couples Therapy Questions Aren’t One-Size-Fits-All
Real-life couples counseling is way more personalized than a checklist. Every couple walks in with their own story, and no two relationships are the same. That’s why a good marriage counselor won’t follow a script or stick to a formula. We tailor each counseling session to you. Whether you’re navigating marital stress, parenting challenges, or feeling emotionally distant, your sessions should meet you where you are, not where some guidebook says you should be.
Here’s how we make it personal:
We get curious about your daily life, not just your big issues
We choose questions for relationship growth based on how you interact, not on assumptions
We create space for both individual and shared experiences
We adjust based on what works (and what totally doesn’t)
We bring in fun activities or reflection tools when they fit your vibe
Your licensed marriage and family therapist might ask something that’s never appeared on a top 10 list, but it’s exactly the right thing for that moment. That’s the beauty of real therapy. We’re not checking off boxes, we’re building understanding together.
This approach to couples therapy helps each partner feel heard and supported. It also gives you tools that actually stick outside the room.
The goal isn’t to “do therapy right.” It’s to grow, reconnect, and strengthen your relationship in a way that feels authentic to you. Whether you’re just starting counseling or you've been doing the work for a while, the right therapist questions will always center your needs, values, and rhythms. That’s what helps couples understand each other better, and that’s what truly helps the relationship get better together.
What are common topics for couples therapy?
Some of the most common topics for couples therapy include emotional closeness, parenting, finances, sex, and recurring arguments. When you attend therapy, you’ll learn tools that help the relationship feel stronger and more connected.
Ready to Start Asking the Right Questions?
When couples come to therapy, they’re often not sure where to begin and that’s okay. You don’t need to have the answers. You just need to be open to the questions.
At Ritenour Counseling, we help couples ask the kinds of questions that lead to real insight, deeper connection, and better communication. We don’t follow a one-size-fits-all approach. Instead, we get to know your relationship and tailor each session to what you need most.
Whether you’re struggling with conflict, feeling emotionally distant, or just want to reconnect, we’re here to help you explore:
What’s working and what’s feeling stuck
How your communication patterns are helping (or hurting) your connection
What each of you needs to feel safe, seen, and supported
How your past experiences might be shaping your relationship today
What’s possible when you begin to understand each other more deeply
You’ll work with a compassionate, trained therapist who uses Gottman or Emotionally Focused Therapy techniques and who knows how to guide couples through the hard conversations and into something more meaningful. Our goal isn’t to “fix” your relationship, it’s to help each partner feel heard, understood, and empowered to grow together.
If you're ready to start asking the right questions and building something stronger, we’d love to support you. Learn more and schedule a session.