Tried and True Couples Therapy Techniques That Make a Real Difference
You read the tips, you try the tricks… and somehow, you’re back in the same old argument by dinner. Sound familiar? Many couples come to therapy feeling frustrated. You’ve tried to fix it on your own, and somehow it still feels like you’re speaking different languages.
The truth? What helps isn’t just the technique. It’s the connection you rebuild, the consistency you commit to, and the safety your therapist helps you create. Research shows that couples therapy can significantly improve relationship satisfaction, especially when you’re using emotionally focused therapy (EFT), the most effective model for lasting change (ICEEFT).
In this article, we’ll walk through:
The most used couples therapy model
Relationship therapy techniques that actually bring you closer
Types of couples therapy and how to choose what’s right for you
✨ Let’s explore how therapy works and how it can work for your relationship.
The Most Used Couples Therapy Model: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Let’s be real, when you’re in the middle of yet another argument about laundry (that isn’t really about laundry), it’s not always easy to see what’s actually going on beneath the surface. That’s where Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) comes in.
EFT is one of the most used—and most successful—forms of couples therapy out there. Created by Dr. Sue Johnson, this therapy is rooted in attachment theory, and it helps couples identify and shift the deeper emotional patterns that keep them stuck. According to research, about 70–75% of couples using EFT move from distress to recovery, and 90% show significant improvement.
This form of therapy isn’t about who’s right. It’s about what’s really going on underneath the silence, sarcasm, or distance.
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A couples therapist helps partners reconnect by using therapy exercises, tools for effective communication, and techniques from models like emotionally focused and behavioral couples therapy.
EFT helps couples:
Identify negative patterns that fuel disconnection
Recognize underlying fears, needs, and emotional triggers
Create new ways to reach out to each other during conflict
Build trust and emotional safety (the real glue in any relationship)
Practice communication skills that feel natural, not forced
EFT is used in couples counseling, marital therapy, online couples therapy, and even blended into family therapy or individual therapy sessions when needed. It’s one of the best couples therapy approaches for lasting change, because it doesn’t just treat the symptoms. It heals the root.
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Some of our go-to techniques include check-ins, active listening, and emotion naming. We also use tools from emotionally focused therapy to help couples reconnect in real-time.
Exploring Other Types of Couples Therapy—and What They’re Best For
When we meet with new couples, one of the first things we often hear is: “We’re not even sure what kind of therapy we need.” And we totally get it—there are so many different types of couples therapy out there, and knowing what fits can feel overwhelming.
The good news? You don’t have to figure it out alone. We’re trained in multiple approaches to couples therapy, and our job is to guide you toward the form of therapy that best fits your relationship and your goals.
Here’s a quick breakdown of some well-known models we use to help couples reconnect, communicate better, and heal:
Behavioral Couples Therapy & Behavioral Marital Therapy – This approach focuses on identifying unhelpful behavior patterns and building new, healthier habits. It’s especially useful for couples managing stress, parenting, or therapy for substance use.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Couples – Helps couples challenge the “stories” they tell themselves and replace negative thought patterns with more supportive ones. CBT also improves communication issues and emotional regulation.
Imago Relationship Therapy – Best for couples exploring past wounds that show up in the relationship. This form of therapy views your partner as a mirror, and the relationship as a path to healing.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) – Helps couples develop emotional flexibility and accept what can’t be changed, while still acting in line with shared values.
Gottman Couples Therapy – Uses specific tools (like “Love Maps” and “Repair Attempts”) to build friendship, reduce conflict, and improve communication.
Every relationship is unique, and so is the path forward. In our couples sessions, we’ll explore what fits you best—and walk that path together.
Therapy works when it feels like the right fit. And we’re here to help you find it.
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Definitely. We love giving couples simple therapy exercises, like gratitude lists or communication prompts, to practice between sessions. They keep the momentum going.
Relationship Therapy Techniques That Actually Help You Feel Closer
When you're stuck in the same argument for the tenth time this month, it can start to feel like nothing will ever change. But here’s the thing: the right couples therapy techniques can help, but only when they’re paired with warmth, curiosity, and a safe space to try something new.
As couples therapists, we’ve seen how even small shifts can help couples move from tension to connection. It’s not about “fixing” each other. It’s about seeing each other differently—and showing up in a new way.
From Conflict to Curiosity: Couples Therapy Techniques That Shift the Energy
One of the most powerful shifts we help couples make is learning to reframe the story they’ve been telling themselves about their partner. That’s where narrative therapy and reflective practices come in.
Instead of: “They never listen.”
Try: “I wonder what’s underneath that reaction.”
This shift creates room for empathy and shared understanding. Some of the techniques we use to help couples reframe old patterns include:
The Daily Check-In – A 5-minute conversation to share what’s on your mind. It’s a great way to reconnect without diving into big topics.
Speaker-Listener Technique – One person talks while the other listens without interrupting, then reflects back what they heard. (Sounds simple... and it is. And it works.)
Soft Start-Ups – Begin tough conversations gently. “I feel ___ when ___” beats “You always ___” every time.
Time-Outs with Purpose – When things get too heated, take a short break. Set a time to return, and use it to calm, not avoid.
The Gottman “Love Maps” Exercise – Ask each other questions to stay updated on one another’s inner worlds. Yes, even after 20 years together, there’s more to learn.
Repair Attempts – A small touch, a smile, or a funny word you both recognize can interrupt conflict and signal “I don’t want to fight.”
Emotion Naming – Saying “I’m feeling overwhelmed” instead of shutting down can shift everything.
Shared Rituals – Morning coffee. Walks after dinner. Small habits that build closeness over time.
Gratitude Routines – Share one thing you appreciate about each other, every day. It trains your brain to look for good.
Weekly Connection Time – Set aside intentional time each week to connect (not just talk logistics). Think: phone-free coffee dates or even just cuddling on the couch.
The tools are simple. The impact? Deeper connection, one small moment at a time.
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Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is one of the most researched and effective models. But we also use behavioral couples therapy and other forms of couples therapy based on what you need.
Communication Exercises for Couples That Bring Relief
Sometimes, the magic is in the basics, just practiced with more intention. We often guide couples through:
Time-outs that give space before things escalate
Active listening exercises (really listening, not just waiting to reply)
Check-ins that help couples share openly without pressure or performance
Counseling techniques for emotional regulation, like “name it to tame it”
In fact, studies show that couples who regularly use communication exercises for couples report better long-term satisfaction and reduced conflict, even outside of sessions.
We promise: effective communication doesn’t have to be stiff or scripted. With time, these techniques can feel second nature and even kind of sweet. Real relief starts with slowing down, getting curious, and speaking with care.
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We do. We’ve had extensive training in couples therapy, and we’re always learning new ways to assist couples in healing and growing.
Ready When You Are! Reach Out Today!
We’ve worked with all kinds of couples—those just starting out, those healing after years of silence, and those somewhere in between. Our job as couples therapists isn’t to tell you what to do. It’s to listen, help you slow down, and reconnect with each other in a way that feels safe and real.
We use a mix of therapy models that include emotionally focused therapy, cognitive behavioral approaches, and couples therapy techniques designed to help you both feel understood.
Whether you’re navigating conflict, parenting, intimacy, or simply want to feel close again, we’re here to walk with you. Marriage counseling or couples therapy works best when it feels like a relationship, not a prescription. And we’d be honored to be part of your journey. Get in touch to learn more about the type of therapy that best suits you and your partner.